Are You There God? It's Me, Grandma

I suppose my family and our relationship with God is pretty unique. Obviously we care enough about this whole religion thing to not throw out Mary Queen of the Dryer, but we simply cannot give up a Sunday morning to attend church. Grandma, on the other hand, went to church every Sunday and as I am learning, speaks to God on a regular basis.

Attempting any task (walking, bathroom, shower, eating, watching TV, staring at the wall, etc.) involves a number of conversations with God. Although, there isn't much dialogue. Here is how it goes...

Grandma: Oh God, help me God. God...Where is God? God help me...God dammit.

God: *silence*

This continues until the task is completed. Now...either God's voice is similar to a dog whistle and only grandmas can hear it or...God isn't talking back. I don't think that means God is ignoring us, but it is getting on my nerves. God is not heaving grandma out of bed. God is not dispensing medications. God is not doing the laundry and cleaning the house. God doesn't even watch Jeopardy with us.

I'm not looking for any credit, but maybe God could pipe in and let her know that yelling for him isn't going to get her butt wiped any faster.