If you are going to spend any amount of time with the elderly, you must understand the importance of hearing aids.
This is a picture of a hearing aid similar to the buzzing device that resides in my grandma's ear. The same device that threatened my sanity today.
It was pretty stressful when we checked into the hospital. You have to tell the same story to at least three thousand health care workers and then tell it to grandma another three thousand times to make sure she understands everything. Personally, I think grandma just kept asking us what was going on for entertainment. Hospitals are beyond boring. Anyway, the stress of the entire situation led to something more horrifying to an old person than anything on the face of the Earth. I was not present for the incident, but here is what I know.
Grandma's left hearing aid made a daring escape. Somehow, the little nugget wriggled out of her ear and landed on the floor. Just as it was rolling for the exit, my aunt took a step in the wrong direction and....CRUNCH. Goodbye, hearing aid.
Grandma is devastated, but luckily the right hearing aid was in place and working...until today.
I was having a great day. I had prepped some delicious crab cakes, ran a few miles and relaxed before my afternoon visit. I needed some me time after yesterday's drama. So I waltzed in to the hospital feeling good and ready to spend some quality time with her majesty.
I walked in to an inferno. Grandma keeps her hearing aids on at all times. As she says...she likes to hear everything. Do not think for a second that whispering a secret will get past this woman. She knows a lot more than she's letting on...I'm certain. Unfortunately, keeping your hearing aid in at all times causes the batteries to die exceptionally fast. In the haste of getting her into the hospital, no one thought "Hey, I guess I should grab some extra hearing aid batteries." No one thinks that. You're supposed to think "Oh shit, I have to go to the hospital now!!" So at this point, grandma has no functioning hearing aids. Crisis. Please alert the United Nations.
Grandma didn't seem to comprehend that we didn't have a fully supply of batteries on standby.
"I can't hear a thing! Where are the batteries?! Oh God, oh God....shit," she exclaimed. It's her usual repertoire for the imperfect situations we seem to find ourselves in constantly.
When this starts, I have two choices: start problem solving or drown myself in the commode. Well, she had just gone to the bathroom so I decided I should try to solve the problem.
I deploy Mimi to Publix in search of a hearing aid battery. There are literally no words to describe the drama that ensued. Between trying to figure out what kind of battery the hearing aid needs to calming grandma, I was starting to think drowning in the commode was probably the right decision all along.
Mimi prevailed and the hearing aid battery was successfully replaced. All was right in the world...and what did grandma have to say? "I have to go to the bathroom."
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