Yesterday was a rough day for me. I managed to catch some kind of stomach bug and was not able to visit with grandma. It's pretty much common sense to not hang around sick people if you are sick. Although, I'm fairly certain I caught the bug from the sick people in the first place and it really would only be fair to give it right back to them.
Mom ended up spending most of the day with grandma. She may not agree, but I think it was a great day for her. In fact, it was a glorious day because she is now a member of my club. Let me explain.
Grandma has been pretty tired lately. A combination of medications and moving from the nursing home to the hospital and back to the nursing home has really worn her out. It would wear anyone out. Being so tired has also made her a little more irritable. She doesn't have time for anyone's nonsense, so I guess it was good I didn't come around.
After a long day, my mom helped grandma get ready for bed. When grandma is irritable, she likes to play a little trick on people to get them to hang out with her longer. Once she is tucked in, everything for the evening is explained and your one foot out the door, she does it. "I have to go the bathroom." To get her back to the bathroom means starting the enter going-to-bed process over again and that means your head is likely to explode. Knowing grandma really was tired mom decided it would be a good idea to get the bed pan out. Bad idea.
To use the bed pan, you have to roll to the side and then roll back on top of it. Mom kindly asked grandma to roll on her side, probably smiling to herself thinking how smart she is and how she's just the best darn nurse on the planet. Grandma rolled...and grandma farted.
"Happy New Year!" grandma exclaimed.
Mom was officially initiated into the Grandma Farts In My Face Club.
Showing posts with label farts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label farts. Show all posts
Friday, October 8, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Grandma's Got Jokes
Actual Date: September 30, 2010
Usually my afternoon shifts with grandma are fairly uneventful. We watch Judge Joe Brown and every edition of the evening news before bedtime. It's a thrill a minute.
Early in my shift, a nurse suggested grandma receive a shower. Grandma suggested the nurse "fuck off" (in so many words) and that pretty much set the tone for the rest of my day. A Xanax was certainly in order and grandma needed one too. About an hour later, my favorite lady was high as a kite and ready to party.
Now all of this may sound like you're typical nursing home experience. We all know old people can be cranky and like their pills, but today I learned they can also be hilarious.
After enjoying a plate of mystery meat, grandma started falling asleep. I tried to wake her several times and each time she pretended she hadn't been sleeping. One time, she picked up a noodle and started laughing like she had pierced a tiny clown on her fork.
Eventually, I suggested we get ready for bed and met the same demise as our shower nurse. However, my real punishment was to come later. I convinced her it was time to change and led her to the bathroom. While she was doing her business, she called for me to come in and help.
"What do you need grandma," I asked.
"I have to tell you a secret," she replied, giggling like a drunk sorority girl. "Come over here."
That's when it happened. Sweet,caring granddaughter leaned in close to hear the precious secret of her darling grandma...she farted. She FARTED in my face.
"Awesome. Hadn't heard that one before..." I replied as she began laughing.
Finally I manage to get the jokester in bed and clean up her room. Just as I collapse in the stiff guest chair, I look up and my grandma's roommate is stripping naked. Miss Vivian is feverishly taking her clothes off as her nurse demands, "Miss Vivian, stop! Keep your clothes on!" The old woman just laughs and laughs and strips some more.
And who said aging isn't fun?
Usually my afternoon shifts with grandma are fairly uneventful. We watch Judge Joe Brown and every edition of the evening news before bedtime. It's a thrill a minute.
Early in my shift, a nurse suggested grandma receive a shower. Grandma suggested the nurse "fuck off" (in so many words) and that pretty much set the tone for the rest of my day. A Xanax was certainly in order and grandma needed one too. About an hour later, my favorite lady was high as a kite and ready to party.
Now all of this may sound like you're typical nursing home experience. We all know old people can be cranky and like their pills, but today I learned they can also be hilarious.
After enjoying a plate of mystery meat, grandma started falling asleep. I tried to wake her several times and each time she pretended she hadn't been sleeping. One time, she picked up a noodle and started laughing like she had pierced a tiny clown on her fork.
Eventually, I suggested we get ready for bed and met the same demise as our shower nurse. However, my real punishment was to come later. I convinced her it was time to change and led her to the bathroom. While she was doing her business, she called for me to come in and help.
"What do you need grandma," I asked.
"I have to tell you a secret," she replied, giggling like a drunk sorority girl. "Come over here."
That's when it happened. Sweet,caring granddaughter leaned in close to hear the precious secret of her darling grandma...she farted. She FARTED in my face.
"Awesome. Hadn't heard that one before..." I replied as she began laughing.
Finally I manage to get the jokester in bed and clean up her room. Just as I collapse in the stiff guest chair, I look up and my grandma's roommate is stripping naked. Miss Vivian is feverishly taking her clothes off as her nurse demands, "Miss Vivian, stop! Keep your clothes on!" The old woman just laughs and laughs and strips some more.
And who said aging isn't fun?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)